Uncategorized

I’ve always assumed that pain happens in my physical body – like when I have burned myself when cooking (the oven bites me all too often!), I’ve assumed that the pain I felt was located at the burn site. However, here’s a (possibly) new concept for you: Our brains generates all of our internal experiences, [...]

On a once popular sit-com “King of Queens,” when Carrie and Doug are fighting and recognize they have a problem, Carrie suggests couples therapy.  Doug’s response to her was: “No, I don’t want to throw money down a rat hole.”  I found it funny, but for me, there was a sad ring of truth to [...]

I often work with clients who are struggling with weight management and their relationship with food. I have found that at times, a little information goes a long way. You may know that the diet industry is a $20 Billion industry, with a whole host of diets telling us what to eat, what not to [...]

Chapters of Our Life Chapter 1 We got married and we were happy. Then one day, we walked down the sidewalk and fell into a deep, dark hole. We couldn’t get out, we couldn’t be close anymore, and we couldn’t figure out why. I thought it must be either your fault or my fault. We never [...]

Over the last few decades, researchers have done a lot of “myth busting” with respect to what makes for a happy marriage. For example, happy couples do NOT: Use active listening skills Have superior problem solving skills. Avoid using anger Avoid conflict Have all of their childhood issues resolved Keep everything equal (e.g. operate in [...]

A common habit in thinking is over-reacting to negative events in our life. This is when our mind takes something that is uncomfortable or unpleasant for us and reacts to it as if it were horrible. For example, let’s say I’m running late to a meeting and I get really upset, and I find myself thinking “Oh my god, I’m going [...]

Some of my clients have asked “My partner wants me to compliment every little thing! Do I have to praise or compliment my partner when they do things they should do, like take out the trash, go to work, or clean the kitchen?” My answer to this question is simple: “Yes, you do.” Why am [...]

If you’re feeling upset (e.g., angry, scared, overwhelmed), a great way to center yourself is to reconnect with the present moment. Usually, what is going on right here and now isn’t too bad (and might even be good!). Here is a quick exercise that you might find helpful. A tip to keep in mind: Your mind [...]

In marital or other relationship arguments, it’s common for both partners to feel frustrated, hurt, and unheard.  Often, it seems that a simple comment turns into an argument that escalates quickly.  After awhile, both of you give up.  So what can you do? After studying marriages for many years, John Gottman, Ph.D. and his team [...]